Why Aliens and Coffee Don't Mix
by Kamen Rider Chrome
Summary: Starfire is an alien, a Tamaranian to be exact. She is stronger than a human, can fly and fire energy. She loves to drink mustard and has strange tastes. With this knowledge in mind having an alien consume a beverage such as coffee might not be a good ide


Author's notes: I love to watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the new series) and I thought it'd be fun if I made a story that started off like one of the episodes, with one of the characters narrating or something. This is set somewhere in the middle of Vol. 1.

* * *

All the male Titans were locked in a room together. They were pressing themselves against the door. Starfire was outside, pounding the door continuously. She had an insane grin plastered on her face and what seemed to be lust flashing from her eyes.

Beast Boy Voiceover: Okay, you know that when you want to find out something about someone, and sometimes you go behind their back? A word of advice: Think about the CONSEQUENCES! This is why we're all hiding in here.

Starfire yelled, "Come out, friends, I know you are in there!" she laughed.

Beast Boy voiceover: This whole thing began when I wanted to find out something about Starfire and well my curiosity got the better of me.

The sound of Starfire's pounding became louder.

Beast Boy: Maybe I should start at the beginning...

* * *

**Zodiac Titans Theme:**

When there's trouble you know who to call

Zodiac Titans!

From the mirrors they can see it all

Zodiac Titans!

When they're **(there're)** monsters on the attack

You can rest knowing they've got your back

When the world need heroes on patrol

Zodiac Titans GO!

With their Zodiac Powers they unite

Zodiac Titans!

Never met a monster that they liked

Zodiac Titans!

Got the monsters on the run

Never stop till the job gets done

They draw their cards and Final Vent them all

Zodiac Titans GO!

Counting down and Go!

Zodiac Titans!

A/N: I know it sucked what to do, huh?

* * *

BEAST BOY'S NARRATION:

Flashback to early this morning…

It was a normal day at the Tower. Everyone was doing their own thing. Robin was training, Raven and Shadowcobra were meditating, Draco and Jinx were making breakfast and Cyborg, Terra, Pluto and me were playing videogames.

It was totally cool! We just got ourselves the latest Gamestation console with four controllers! 4! That means more people can play at the same time. Sweet! We were playing Gran Turismo 6 and I was tearing up the road.

Until Cyborg passed me.

"Booyah!"

My car was the black one with purple stripes and two green B's on the hood. Cyborg's was white with a little blue on it. Pluto's was blue with silver stripes and Terra's was black and yellow.

I think I'm forgetting someone. Oh yeah, Starfire had gone up to the roof to look at Shadowcobra's flowers with Silkie. Wonder how long he's had those flowers there? I shrugged. Who knows?

Anyway, Cyborg and I were trying to shove each other off the road while Terra and Pluto were catching up to us. Suddenly, their cars crashed right into ours and they went tumbling on the road.

"HEY!" we both yelled.

"Sorry, Gar," Terra apologized.

"It was an accident," apologized Pluto.

Our eyes then concentrated again to the TV and we started racing again.

"Breakfast is ready!" yelled out Draco from the kitchen.

"Come and get it!" yelled out Jinx.

We were all at the breakfast table. Unlike my friend Cy, Draco would never question my taste for tofu. I WILL NOT EVER EAT MEAT! I've been most of those animals. Is that so hard to understand? Anyway, Draco made my favorite tofu themed breakfast. There was even some fresh fruits and vegetables on the table as a light snack.

Anyway, as usual, Robin was drinking a mug of coffee while Starfire was drinking mustard. I know she's an alien and all but it still grosses me out a bit. I looked between Star and Rob, who were sitting pretty close to one another, and grinned. A plan was forming in my little green brain and I decided to play a harmless little prank.

Well, it was harmless in my brain when I thought about it.

I turned my legs into thin tentacles and maneuvered them under the table till they reached under Star and Rob. It was a good thing they were seated in front of me. The tentacles slithered up. Good, no one was looking. I gripped the two mugs and switched them around before pulling my tentacles back and turning them into my legs. I've been learning how to turn parts of my body into animal parts. Cool, huh?

When Robin took a sip of 'coffee' from 'his' mug (he was reading a newspaper by the way), his eyes then widened and he placed the mug on the table before coughing. The others looked worried.

"Are you alright, Robin?" Raven asked.

"That (cough) was (cough) mustard (gag)!" Robin shouted out. I couldn't help myself and laughed my butt off. Robin then knew who the culprit was.

"Beast…Boy…" Robin growled.

"Come on, Robin," Beast Boy chuckled. "You gotta admit, dude, that that was funny!"

Shadowcobra and Raven were rolling their eyes.

"Let it go, Robin," Shadowcobra advised. "No use getting mad at him. It was harmless."

Robin sighed. "I guess you're right." He gave the mug back to Starfire. "Star, here's your mustard and-" a beat. "Star, are you drinking _my_ coffee?"

Starfire had the cup tilted up to her face so that the liquid would flow down her mouth, throat and into her stomach. She then slammed the mug on the table and licked her lips. "My, what a wonderful beverage! May I have some more, please?"

Okay, Starfire's eyes were always shining in the morning but I don't think I was the only one that noticed that they were opened REALLY wide.

"Star, are you okay?" Robin asked worriedly.

"Yes, Robin, I am fine," Starfire said, grinning widely. She then took a good look at Robin and smirked, "And so are _you_." She began to rub his chest.

"Um, Star?" Robin was starting to blush. The others watched curiously.

"Is it getting warmer in here?" Starfire said huskily as she removed her gauntlets, followed by her neck-guard. Her hands went to the hem of her top and Robin's eyes widened. He was quick to stop her.

"Star, no!" Robin shouted out.

"Why not?" Pluto howled. Shadow and Robin glared at him.

But Starfire took the fact that Robin was holding her hands tight the wrong way. "Oh, Robin! So you _do_ like it rough!" She then tackled him to the floor and began kissing him. The others stared.

Jinx blinked, "_That's_ something you don't see everyday."

"Hai," Draco nodded in agreement, confusion drawn on his face.

Robin was struggling under Starfire who was kissing him senseless. Not only that she was attempting to tear his clothes off. Robin pushed her off him. "Star!" he cried, fixing his clothes. "What has gotten into you?"

"It is what is not in me that is the problem!" Starfire exclaimed. She then eyed Cyborg and grinned. "Friend, Cyborg, you are quite big and strong."

Cyborg saw the predatory look in her eyes. Oh boy. "Um…thanks, Star?"

"Are you _fully_ functional, friend?" She then lunged at him and knocked him off his chair. Okay…

"Star!" Robin shouted out.

"Star? What are you doing, girl?" Cyborg held the crazed girl.

"I NEED IT! I NEED IT!" Starfire shouted out.

"You need _what_!?" Robin asked in disbelief.

Starfire then flew out of Cy's grip and tackled me. She demanded, "GIVE ME THE SEX LIKE AN ANIMAL!"

"**WHAT!!**" was what everyone screamed, eyes bugged out of their skulls.

"HOLY SHIT, SHE'S HORNY!" I shouted out.

Shadow and Raven used dark energy hands to pull Starfire off to create some good distance between her and us.

Starfire began to look at the boys hungrily. We did the only thing we could while the girls restrained her.

We ran.

(End flashback…)

* * *

And that was why we, as in ALL the guys, were here, hiding behind a door, with Starfire pounding outside the door.

"This is all _your_ fault, Beast Boy!" Shadowcobra hissed. Even _he_ was afraid of getting raped by the redheaded alien.

I knew that already. Why did everyone have to rub it in?

"Giving Starfire coffee," Draco added. "What a great idea." Okay, Draco was getting sarcasm lessons from Raven and Shadow.

"I'm sorry, okay? How was I supposed to know this would happen?" I defended myself.

"Maybe the fact that Star's an alien and we have no idea what coffee might do to her!" Cyborg shouted. "Well, now we know! She becomes a sex-crazed horny alien in heat!"

"And why we're hiding from said alien," Pluto added, glaring at Beast Boy.

The pounding grew louder and dents were beginning to form. This was getting serious.

"Why haven't Terra, Jinx and Raven come to help?" Pluto shouted.

"Who do you think are trying to restrain her?" Robin exclaimed.

That's right. Terra, Rae and Jinx were _trying_ to hold Starfire away from the door. But, man, Star was stronger than she looked!

"I sure hope Raven will be alright," Shadow said worriedly.

"She'll be fine," Draco said. "I'm just worried about Jinxy-chan."

"And what about Terra?" I added.

"She'll be really pissed at you, that's what!" Cyborg growled. "I'm really tempted to throw you out there for Star to do what she wants to you."

"I do too," Shadowcobra hissed, embarrassed at what had happened. "Problem is that you just might enjoy it!" They heard blasting followed by screaming. "Raven!"

"Jinx!"

"Terra!"

Pluto's eyes widened as his trained ears picked up something. "GUYS! GET AWAY FROM THE DOOR, NOW!"

We did as told and the door blew open from a VERY powerful starbolt. Star stalked over to us, Raven, Terra and Jinx lay unconscious behind her figure. Most of her clothes were on the floor too, which means that she's only in her bra and panties.

Hm, never knew she wore a thong.

"I demand you give me the sex!" she shouted, eyes glowing. "NOW!" she roared.

We looked at each other and then we all grabbed Robin simultaneously.

"Hey, guys! What are you-" Robin yelled.

"Sorry, fearless leader, but it looks like you gotta take one for the team!" Cyborg explained.

"You will be remembered for your noble sacrifice!" Pluto added dramatically. Robin finally understood.

"Gomenasai, but you'll thank us later," Draco said.

"God speed, Timothy Drake," Shadow mock saluted.

"Just keep her busy, Robin!" I said.

We then threw the Boy Wonder at the horny alien princess and she caught him. She was holding him to her chest and giving him a passionate kiss, with tongue. He went stiff before his limbs fell limp.

We then ran past her and the Boy Wonder, picking up the girls, as Star kicked the door back up and welded it shut.

Boy, Robin was lucky.

* * *

Later…in the infirmary, the girls were coming to.

Shadow gave Raven a cup of herbal tea while Draco gave Jinx a backrub, Terra was pretty much pissed at me for causing the whole mess and turned her back to me with her arms crossed. She was giving me the silent treatment while I TRIED to apologize.

Anyway, we told the girls it had been like 2 hours when Robin had 'nobly sacrificed' himself to help us escape. Actually, we pretty much 'threw him into the lion's den', but they didn't need to know that.

So, what happened to Robin, and Star you may ask?

Robin and Starfire walked into the infirmary. Now the girl was back to normal and fully dressed I might add. She was grinning widely as she hugged Robin's arm and leaned her head on his shoulder. Robin appeared out of breath but we also noticed that he was missing his gloves, utility belt, cape and his mask was crooked. He also had lip-prints and a goofy smile on his dazed face.

I was pretty sure that he couldn't decide whether to thank me or kill me.

Shadow just said, "At least she didn't get loose into the city. The tabloids would be having a field day with this."

He had a good point. Having Star go out into the city and screwing anything with a penis was not good publicity for us.

So, I learnt my lesson, Robin got lucky, and Starfire got closer to Robin than ever before.

Not such a bad day after all!

She then walked over to me and asked, whispering, "Where else can I get this wonderful coffee?"

Oh well. She asked.


End file.
